I’m going through my Writings Folder, and posting what I think you might find interesting.
From August, 14th 2009
Well I guess i’m just treading water.
Which can be fine; if the water is smooth and glassy. You can keep your head and shoulders high above when the waters’ like that. Plus when you’ve got lots of energy you can sometimes kick powerfully and get all your torso out. But then you settle back in, and find your rhythm.
But often the waters are wavier, more unsteady. Every now and then you end up with a mouth full of salty seawater and it’s not good. you cough and sputter, but then you master the waves and you’re still ok. Soggy, but ok.
But when the waves go over your head; completely and repeatedly, and they sky is dark and split with jagged lightening, when you feel something bumping you under the water and know it’s not Flipper, when you take in more water than air and your belly is heavy and your chest is tight; it’s very, very hard to go on. To keep fighting. For what? Why? Every breath hurts; your arms and legs are like bricks and you feel more solid than flesh.
What’s the reason you’d keep fighting? What if you dont’ have one anymore?
I guess you keep treading and see what happens next.